{"title":"Home page","description":null,"products":[{"product_id":"youre-not-fighting-alone-printable-breast-cancer-awareness-card","title":"You're Not Fighting Alone – Printable Breast Cancer Awareness Card","description":"\u003cp\u003eFrom the Depths of My Dysfunction… with Love 💀💗  \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003eThis printable card says what others won’t — raw, real, and a little savage, for those who fight hard and still keep their humor.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e💌 What You’ll Get:\u003cbr\u003e• 1 printable card (PDF, 5x7\")\u003cbr\u003e• Instant digital download — no shipping required\u003cbr\u003e• Perfect for Breast Cancer Awareness gifts or personal encouragement\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp\u003ePrint it. Frame it. Send it to someone who gets it.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"From the Depths of My Dysfunction...with Love","offers":[{"title":"Default Title","offer_id":43266366111879,"sku":null,"price":2.0,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0690\/3762\/1383\/files\/yourenotalonefrontwatermark.png?v=1759778035"},{"product_id":"merry-f-ing-christmas-roastmas-greeting-card-by-from-the-depths-of-my-dysfunction-with-love","title":"Merry F*ing Christmas (Roastmas) Greeting Card by, From the Depths of My Dysfunction...with Love","description":"\u003cp data-start=\"490\" data-end=\"671\"\u003eHoliday cheer? 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Great for coworkers, family members who test your patience, or that one friend who’s been on the “naughty” list since 2003.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"990\" data-end=\"1089\"\u003eEach card comes with an envelope, because let’s be real — you’re not handing this over in person.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1091\" data-end=\"1094\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"1096\" data-end=\"1115\"\u003e✨ \u003cstrong data-start=\"1102\" data-end=\"1115\"\u003eFeatures:\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"1116\" data-end=\"1485\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1116\" data-end=\"1183\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1118\" data-end=\"1183\"\u003eBold, vibrant print with colors as loud as your holiday trauma.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1184\" data-end=\"1258\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1186\" data-end=\"1258\"\u003e270gsm premium cardstock — sturdy enough to survive family gatherings.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1259\" data-end=\"1349\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1261\" data-end=\"1349\"\u003eFront and back print for a clean, polished finish (even if your sense of humor isn’t).\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1350\" data-end=\"1409\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1352\" data-end=\"1409\"\u003eIncludes envelope for mailing or dramatic gift reveals.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1410\" data-end=\"1485\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1412\" data-end=\"1485\"\u003eAvailable in multiple sizes and finishes for your level of dysfunction.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1487\" data-end=\"1490\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"1492\" data-end=\"1521\"\u003e🧹 \u003cstrong data-start=\"1499\" data-end=\"1521\"\u003eCare Instructions:\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1522\" data-end=\"1623\"\u003eUse a soft, clean, dry cloth to brush off dust or glitter remnants from your last mental breakdown.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"3.5\" x 4.9\" (Vertical) \/ Coated (both sides) \/ 1 pc","offer_id":43421341614215,"sku":"10729245070113248197","price":9.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0690\/3762\/1383\/files\/15052083926093323503_2048.jpg?v=1761943694"},{"product_id":"all-i-want-for-christmas-is-the-epstein-list-roastmas™-card-by-from-the-depths-of-my-dysfunction","title":"All I Want for Christmas… Is the Epstein List | Roastmas™ Card by From the Depths of My Dysfunction","description":"\u003cp data-start=\"299\" data-end=\"418\"\u003eThis isn’t your grandma’s Christmas card.\u003cbr data-start=\"340\" data-end=\"343\"\u003eFor the ones who want more than cookies and carols — they want \u003cem data-start=\"406\" data-end=\"416\"\u003eanswers.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"420\" data-end=\"711\"\u003e“All I Want for Christmas Is the Epstein List” is the card that says what everyone else is thinking but too scared to print. With elegant design, dark humor, and a dash of justice, it’s perfect for truth-seekers, holiday rebels, and that one friend who always brings up the news at dinner.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"713\" data-end=\"886\"\u003ePrinted on premium 270gsm paper, this card pairs luxury with dysfunction — because even chaos deserves high-quality cardstock. Includes envelope for mailing or… archiving.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"888\" data-end=\"891\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"893\" data-end=\"922\"\u003e🪄 \u003cstrong data-start=\"899\" data-end=\"920\"\u003eProduct Features:\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"923\" data-end=\"1153\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"923\" data-end=\"973\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"925\" data-end=\"973\"\u003ePremium 270gsm paper with vivid, lasting color\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"974\" data-end=\"1018\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"976\" data-end=\"1018\"\u003eAvailable in multiple finishes and sizes\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1019\" data-end=\"1040\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1021\" data-end=\"1040\"\u003eIncludes envelope\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1041\" data-end=\"1101\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1043\" data-end=\"1101\"\u003ePrinted front and inside for full-impact Roastmas energy\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1102\" data-end=\"1153\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1104\" data-end=\"1153\"\u003ePerfect gag gift or dark-humor stocking stuffer\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1155\" data-end=\"1158\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1160\" data-end=\"1197\"\u003e💌 \u003cstrong data-start=\"1166\" data-end=\"1195\"\u003eOptional Personalization:\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1198\" data-end=\"1299\"\u003eAdd your own inside message, signature, or sarcastic twist. Custom requests accepted (+20% markup).\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1301\" data-end=\"1304\"\u003e\n\u003ch2 data-start=\"1306\" data-end=\"1336\"\u003e🧹 \u003cstrong data-start=\"1312\" data-end=\"1334\"\u003eCare Instructions:\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003c\/h2\u003e\n\u003cp\u003e \u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1337\" data-end=\"1420\"\u003eWipe gently with a soft, dry cloth — or store it where the light can’t reach you.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"3.5\" x 4.9\" (Vertical) \/ Coated (both sides) \/ 1 pc","offer_id":43421444505735,"sku":"19419749617212095926","price":7.99,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":false}],"thumbnail_url":"\/\/cdn.shopify.com\/s\/files\/1\/0690\/3762\/1383\/files\/121707160574109251_2048.jpg?v=1762289642"},{"product_id":"when-i-think-about-you-sarcastic-elf-christmas-card","title":"When I Think About You – Sarcastic Elf Christmas Card","description":"\u003cp data-start=\"305\" data-end=\"534\"\u003eWhen you think about them… you \u003cem data-start=\"336\" data-end=\"364\"\u003etry not to think too hard.\u003c\/em\u003e\u003cbr data-start=\"364\" data-end=\"367\"\u003eThis snarky Christmas card says what you’re thinking so you don’t have to — wrapped in twinkly lights, sarcasm, and just enough holiday spirit to pass for “festive.”\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"536\" data-end=\"781\"\u003ePerfect for friends, exes, coworkers, or anyone who deserves a \u003cem data-start=\"599\" data-end=\"619\"\u003eseason’s greetings\u003c\/em\u003e with side-eye.\u003cbr data-start=\"634\" data-end=\"637\"\u003ePrinted on premium 270gsm paper (coated both sides for maximum sass), this card proves that dysfunction can, in fact, be beautifully giftable.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"783\" data-end=\"786\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"788\" data-end=\"815\"\u003e🪩 \u003cstrong data-start=\"795\" data-end=\"815\"\u003eProduct Features\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cul data-start=\"816\" data-end=\"1150\"\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"816\" data-end=\"884\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"818\" data-end=\"884\"\u003eProfessionally printed on thick 270gsm paper for a premium feel.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"885\" data-end=\"945\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"887\" data-end=\"945\"\u003eCoated on both sides for vibrant color and crisp detail.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"946\" data-end=\"1022\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"948\" data-end=\"1022\"\u003eIncludes matching envelope — because you’re \u003cem data-start=\"992\" data-end=\"1006\"\u003eclassy petty\u003c\/em\u003e, not chaotic.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1023\" data-end=\"1095\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1025\" data-end=\"1095\"\u003eBlank inside (or personalize it with your own roast-worthy message).\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli data-start=\"1096\" data-end=\"1150\"\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1098\" data-end=\"1150\"\u003eMade in the USA with love, loathing, and caffeine.\u003c\/p\u003e\n\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\n\u003chr data-start=\"1152\" data-end=\"1155\"\u003e\n\u003ch3 data-start=\"1157\" data-end=\"1185\"\u003e🧼 \u003cstrong data-start=\"1164\" data-end=\"1185\"\u003eCare Instructions\u003c\/strong\u003e\n\u003c\/h3\u003e\n\u003cp data-start=\"1186\" data-end=\"1264\"\u003eWipe gently with a dry cloth if needed. 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